


Everyone in their proper place

by TheMissingMask



Series: Driving Drabbles [5]
Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Getting Together, M/M, Project Blackwing (Dirk Gently), Road Trips, and this is what happens when i try fluff, because it was inevitable, i am not a fluff author, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-05
Updated: 2018-09-04
Packaged: 2019-06-05 17:24:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15175676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheMissingMask/pseuds/TheMissingMask
Summary: Dirk decides it's time to go on a road trip





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

———

“Todd!”

Todd let out an oh-so-manly yelp and almost toppled off his chair.

“Dirk! What the hell?”

Dirk seemed entirely oblivious to the heart attack and/or brain damage he had very nearly just caused his assis-friend.

“It’s nearly July.”

Todd simultaneously rolled and narrowed his eyes, “Yes, Dirk. Congratulations on discovering calendars.”

“Give me your phone.”

“What?”

“It’s important.” Dirk leant in and grabbed the phone from Todd’s back pocket without waiting for consent.

Someone really needed to have words with that guy about personal space. That someone would obviously end up being Todd, mainly because Dirk left way too much personal space with literally everyone else…

But words were definitely going to have to be had since the sudden proximity of Dirk’s body and breeze of lemon-scented shower gel that came with it sent blood rushing to Todd’s cheeks as his mind whirling into avenues far removed from the theft of his phone.

Dirk’s body was gone as soon as it had surged in, but the lemon scent remained like a balm to ease the strange emptiness left by his departure. Todd closed his eyes and drank in that oh-so-Dirk smell, not even noticing as the detective tapped happily away at his phone screen.

“Hiiiiii Amanda.”

Todd jerked back to reality at his sister’s name, immediately lunging forward to grab at Dirk’s arm, “Hey! What are you…how did you even get into my phone?”

“Your pin is pretty obvious, Todd,” Dirk condescended, looking over his shoulder at the shorter man in an irritatingly attractive way, before returning his attention to the phone, “Yes. Everything’s fine, thank you. Listen…”

Todd was, not for the first time, finding himself extremely irked by the height advantage Dirk had on him. With every attempt made to get his hands on his phone, the detective easily swiped it out of his reach.

“…we should all go on a road trip…oh, yes! Kansas! …tomorrow?”

Dirk deftly swapped hands to get the phone away from Todd’s flailing hands.

“Pick us up? Certainly not. That would end terribly…yes, we only just finished moving in and I’m rather fond of our hat stand…oh, obviously, where else would we put our jackets? …”

Dirk held an arm out straight, hand to Todd’s forehead, to keep him at bay.

“Ah, an excellent idea, Amanda! …yes, ok…see you tomorrowwwwww…”

He trailed off as Todd finally decided that if Dirk was going to use his height advantage, Todd was well within his rights to employ his strength advantage and body tackle the taller man over the coffee table and backwards onto the sofa.

Unfortunately, the furniture had apparently not braced for the impact, and it immediately toppled beneath them, sending both men skidding unceremoniously across the wooden floor and into the kitchen counter, with Todd sprawled on top of Dirk, holding the phone triumphantly to his ear.

“Amanda, what is…?”

“See you tomorrow, Todd! Road trip!” She yelled and promptly hung up.

“Owww…” Dirk complained from beneath him.

Todd punched him lightly in the shoulder for it, “What the hell was that?!”  
“Road trip, Todd. Obviously.”

“With Amanda and the Rowdy 3?” Todd shifted so he was sitting on Dirk’s chest, knees over his arms to pin him to the floor while he interrogated the man regarding this phone debacle.

Dirk grimaced slightly, “Yes. Evidently. Now, we need to pack so if you could maybe…”

Todd shrugged, thought about moving, reached down to mess up Dirk’s neatly arranged hair, and finally stood up with a victorious grin plastered on his face.

It had been a close call, but this round went to Brotzman.

———

“This will be great, Todd! The open road, you and me, clear skies…” Dirk smiled dreamily into the distance as he folded another shirt into his duffle bag.

“…and a van full of insane psychic vampires.” Todd finished teasingly, laughing at the way the taller man recoiled as if the Rowdy 3 were going to be conjured by the mere mention of their name.

“Quite…”

“Then why invite them?” Todd began taking the shirts back out of Dirk’s bag, “And, no. No shirts on a road trip. Don’t you have anything more casual?”

“It seemed like the right thing to do…what’s wrong with shirts?” Dirk stubbornly picked up another and started folding it, only to have Todd snatch it away again. “I always wear shirts.”

“I know. But road trip means relaxed, casual, chill. Not shirt-and-tie-and-prim-proper-top-o’-the-mornin’-to-ya.”

“That’s Irish, Todd.”

“Whatever.” He turned to rummage through a nearby drawer, one of many that they had ultimately ended up sharing, “Haven’t you ever been on a road trip?”

“Lots! You and I have been on the road many times, going somewhere…tripping, if you will…”

“That doesn’t count.”

“…sometimes very long distances!” Dirk finished smugly, “Recall that case last month that took us to Idaho?”

Todd laughed, “Jesus Christ! Yes! A Pez dispenser. A fucking cursed Pez dispenser.”

Within minutes packing had been forgotten in favour of sharing anecdotes and theories about that case, the conversation for the most part dissolving into periodic bouts of laughter.

“See, Todd? We do road trip.” Dirk finally concluded, “Although, that was for a case, I suppose…and this is definitely not for a case. It’s just a pleasant, nothing-trying-to-kill-us drive to Kansas.”

“You do realise that we are only going on this trip because you had a feeling we should?” Todd replied flatly, “Therefore, chances are we are going to end up on a case?”

Dirk glared, “Let me enjoy the delusion while it lasts, Todd.”

With a friendly clap on his shoulder, Todd grinned, “Alright, but no shirts.”

———

“Are you sure you’ll be ok?” Farah asked for the hundredth time - ok, well, maybe only the third, but it was still a lot.

“We’ll be fine.” Todd reassured, “I have the air gun…”

She opened her mouth to speak, but he cut her off instantly.

“And I have about a month’s worth of my meds…”

“But…”

“And Dirk has about three months’ worth of my meds.”

“It’s true.” Dirk smiled up at the pair from the driver’s seat, “More, in fact.”

“Yeah, but what if…” She flitted her eyes to Dirk, barely perceptible but Todd didn’t miss it nor the hidden meaning, that unspoken fear of losing Dirk again, “What if something happens?”

“We’ll be with the Rowdy 3. They’re nearly as badass as you are.”

“And we have Gandalf.”

“Gandalf?”

“The shark-kitten…-cat.” Todd supplied.

“Ok. But, I could cancel. I mean, I”m only going to Bergsberg to check out…check on…do some stuff.” She stammered.  
Todd smirked, quirking an eyebrow, “Does that stuff begin with ’T’ and end in ‘A’?”

“’T’ and ‘A’…tea?!” Dirk cried incredulously and embarked on a ramble about Bergsberg, tea, and the connections or non-connections therein.

Farah and Todd laughed.

“Enjoy that for the next several hundred miles.” The woman pulled him into a quick hug before waving to Dirk, “Have fun. Text me when you meet up with Amanda. And when you get to Kansas. And before then, too, ok?”

“Got it!” Todd waved and slipped into the car as Dirk revved the engine of ‘their’ new Mustang.

“Bye Farah!”

With a wave and no hands on the steering wheel, the detective spurred the engine on and the car burst out of the drive, towards the open road.

———


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trying to get through all the silly stories I decided to start writing so my mind can think about other things like, you know, work!!! X_X

———

“I think I’m gonna barf.” Todd complained, stumbling out of the car to lean heavily on its fortunately low roof.

“Don’t be so dramatic, Todd!” Dirk stepped out of the driver’s side and immediately went to let their loudly meowing cat out, “I hardly ran any red lights.”

“There are no red lights out here!” The other man cried, “And you ran three before we left the city.”

Dirk flicked his hand dismissively, so Todd continued, now waving his arms to add emphasis to his outrage.

“And then you almost hit a deer!”

“Hey! It’s not my fault your American forest dwelling animals have a penchant for running into the path of oncoming traffic.”

“It was _in_ the forest!”

Dirk smirked and patted his friend on the shoulder, “Yes. That was some _excellent_ navigating, Todd.”

“Screw you and your British sarcasm.” Todd glared back, earning a very smug smile from the detective as he shrugged his shoulders in a feign of innocence.

And because evidently that wasn’t sufficient, Dirk then threw a brilliantly charming grin over his shoulder as he started walking towards where Amanda and her entourage had already set up a circle of logs and other make shift seats around an oil drum.

“Shall we?” He threw out one arm in a flamboyant and courtly gesture.

Todd rolled his eyes, “Can’t wait.”

He couldn’t quite keep the fondness from his voice or the smile from his lips. Dirk seemed genuinely happy. He _was_ genuinely happy. The man’s every mood was written on his expressive features, and right now they betrayed nothing but excitement, and joy, and affection. Todd blushed at the that. The fact that Dirk cared a lot about him was no secret. Dirk outwardly admitted it often enough, in his own roundabout ways that included compliments on his physique when they had ended up hiding in a shoe closet together, and frequently proclamations about how lost he would be without his assiss-friend. But, there was something about _seeing_ Dirk’s affection that was different. It struck deeper, and made Todd’s heart ache with the affection he felt in return.

He broke into a wide grin as Amanda jumped up to hug Dirk tightly in greeting, and laughed when the man then made half-hearted efforts not to be excessively molested by his own personal dimension-hopping fangirl, whilst trying to avoid any of the Rowdy 3 men drinking his ‘not physic’ energy. It was a scene of peculiarly mundane pleasantness, almost domestically so.

Ambling over, as Dirk was finally tackled to the ground by the rainbow monster’s flying hug, Todd embraced his sister.

“Missed you.” He said, hugging her a little more tightly.

“Obviously.” There were the telling tones of her rolling her eyes in her voice, but the smile when they broke apart revealed how she had missed him too.

“Now, you guys bring alcohol?” She asked, moving towards their van, “‘Cus, we got some, but our cooler got smashed up, so the beer’s pretty warm and nasty.”

He laughed, “Yeah. We’ll put yours in our cooler too. Warm beer is basically alcoholic cat piss.”

“I don’t want to know how you know that.” She laughed, starting to unload some boxes from the back.

Seeing as Dirk had, as was inevitable, become food for the Rowdies and was lying on the floor in a daze, Todd went to get their things from the Mustang alone. On the way over, he pulled out his phone and tapped through to WhatsApp.

**DGHDA chat for serious professional stuff**

He smirked at the last message, which was nothing more than a gif of a dancing turtle having his shell cleaned with a toothbrush. He could seriously watch that for hours. He and Dirk _had_ watched it for hours one night as he reeled in the wake of a pararibulitis attack. He was crying with laughter by the time sleep overtook them both, and had woken up tangled in Dirk’s long limbs and a multitude of blankets with a smile still on his lips.

****

**T: met up with a and r3  
F: Everything ok?  
T: so far…  
D: And it shall remain to be so.  I have a very good feeling about this trip. :)  
F: Shit.  Want me to come out there?  
D: -_-  
T: lol  
D: Todd!  
T: wat?  
D: You are supposed to be on my side! Also, Amanda says: “We’re doing shots, loser.”  Her words, not mine.  
T: tell her brt  
D: What is brt?  
T: …smhid  
D: Speak English, Todd.  
T: roflol XD  
D: I know that one!  And no you are not, I can see you.  
T: internally  
D: You’re rolling around on an internal floor?  Todd, we’re outside.  There are no internal floors.  
F: Stop texting each other.  You realise you are literally next to each other?  
D: Literally?  
T: Or figuratively, totally?  
D: Haha.  But, seriously, I think Amanda might make us drink an entire bottle of vodka each if we don’t join them soon.  
T: she wud 2 :/ gotta go cya F  
F: Bye.  Have fun, and text me if anything happens.  Be safe.  
D: We absolutely will!  Be safe, that is.  And text you. But not because anything happened, because nothing is going to happen, other than fineness because everything is fine.  Oh, and say ‘Hiiii!’ to Hobbs for me! :)  
**

A thumbs up from Farah concluded the conversation, and Todd slipped his phone into his back pocket to join the others, who were seated around a fire blazing within the rusty oil drum. Amid the lengthening shadows of the descending evening, it cast its own darker shades about the circle, giving the entire a scene a strange duality that he knew Amanda must have been loving.

As he neared, Dirk handed him a shot glass of some clear alcohol, their fingers brushing just slightly and their eyes meeting when he looked up to smile at the detective. Dirk grinned adorably in response, the firelight glinting in his eyes and setting his auburn hair in even brighter shades of orange and red.

“Alright!” Amanda called, pulling their attention back to the group. With all eyes on her, she raised her glass and looked at each of the others in turn.

“To the freedom of the road!” She downed the shot and smashed the glass on the ground.

In unison, the Rowdies followed suit, accompanied by their own shouts of assent to the toast.

With a shared glance and mutual shrug, Todd and Dirk touched their glasses together, drank the shot, and them to the ground.

———

After a couple of hours of excited, energetic revelry, there was the inevitable lull that always accompanies such an evening.  In the quiet conversation that ensued, Amanda had asked about the Mustang, but then before Todd or Dirk could answer, with a start seemed to realise aloud that she didn’t know where the Rowdy 3 van had originally come from.

“Stole it the day we broke outta Blackwing.” Martin said simply, “Obviously did it up, an’ ain’ parted with it since.”

“How did you break out?” Todd blurted out with all the forethought of a non-shapeshifting brick wall.  He immediately cringed and sent an apologetic glance at Dirk.  But the other man seemed unconcerned by the question, eyes half-glazed already with the combined effects of alcohol and a balmy evening.

Amanda looked to her boys, silently indicating her desire to know the answer as well, but making no effort to force it from them.  She just took Martin’s hand and smiled kindly at him, an expression Todd had seen so rarely since she was a kid.  He offered an easy smile in return and put his arm around her shoulders. The gesture didn’t irritate Todd anywhere near as much as he figured it should have.

“It began with that scrawny guy with weird glasses…”

"Dr. Barrows.” Dirk supplied automatically.

"Yeah, that guy!" Cross yelled, and was joined instantly by the other Rowdies in various forms of 'I hate that guy', 'stupid glasses', and other more abstract comments.

"He used to bring us people to feed on.” Martin continued, "Enjoyed watching us drain 'em too.  Got us mighty pissed.  So, one day, he brings someone but we do nothin'.  So he comes closer to the cage, and closer, and closer..."

Vogel giggled excitedly, hopping up and down in his seat.

"The look on his face when he realised he was too close," Martin grinned evilly, "That was the fucking icing on the cake."

The Rowdies all cheered and whooped, and Amanda laughed.

"I did wonder what happened to him..." Dirk muttered absently to himself.

"Did he..." Todd searched for the word, "...science on you?”

In retrospect, that was probably _not_ the word.

Dirk blinked for a moment, frowning and repeating the phrase under his breath.  Todd felt his face heat up.

“Yeah.” Dirk said at last, distantly adding, “He was terrible."

The openness was surprising.  Maybe it was the alcohol, or the companionship, or the expanse of stars above them, but something about that evening had left the usually high and obsessively guarded walls down.

Dirk took a long gulp of cider, shook the bottle and remarked that it was empty.  He smiled at Todd.

“Do keep up.”

And so Todd downed his beer, shook it playfully in Dirk’s face, and went to grab another of each from their cooler while Martin continued his story.

“After that incident with the doc, they decided to build new cages for us.  Bad move."

"Very bad move!"

"Or good!  Good move!"

"The new ones were in a different wing.  They hadn’t brought us anyone for ages, so we were all outta gas, and the guys transferring us had masks.  But, who do we meet on the way, but nerdy bullshit over there.  Off schedule..."

"Priest had to be called in because I wasn't cooperating." Dirk explained quietly to Todd, "It meant the experiment ended late."

"...right where he needed to be.  Me an' my boys got a good dose of energy from him and his guards, then busted ourselves outta there, opening as many doors to subjects' rooms as we saw along the way.”

"That's fucking awesome!" Amanda laughed, raising her hands in celebration of their victory as if it had happened just that instant, and the Rowdies followed suit until six pairs of hands were projected towards the sky like a copse of strange two-branched trees.

"Sounds like the universe didn't want you in Blackwing." Todd smiled over at Dirk, who was looking with a strange fondness on the Rowdies.

“Maybe..." He muttered, awkwardly patting the Rainbow Monster on her head when she ran over to nuzzle up against him, “They may be the most relentless leeches, but they rescued me.  I was in no state to run, but Martin just picked me up and carried me all the way out.  They did then leave me in a ditch outside the facility, but I suppose never actually left since they pursued me _everywhere_ after that. Well, not across the Atlantic, but then they _are_ sort of vampires, and according to Bram Stoker vampires can’t...”

His ramble was cut short as the rainbow monster screamed and fled when Mona transformed from a small log into a platypus and released a cacophony of bizarre quacking sounds.  Todd puffed out a laugh, exchanging an amused look with the detective, and they fell into an easy silence, content to watch as the Rowdies explained how they got their van and what they did with their first few weeks of freedom.

Or, rather, Dirk was watching his companions.  Todd was watching Dirk.  The other man had a distant, distracted look in his eyes that worried Todd.  Dirk had been doing well lately.  Blackwing nightmares were far from a thing of the past, but they seemed to be getting less harrowing and less frequent.  After arriving back in Seattle and opening the agency, by some unspoken agreement, Todd and Dirk had moved in together.  The company helped them both to deal with their own myriad demons, and it just felt so completely _right_ that Todd couldn’t imagine life any other way at this stage.

“Hey,” He knocked his knee against the detective’s after it felt like the silence had gone on too long and Dirk’s eyes were growing just a bit too distant, “You alright?”

“You’re here, aren’t you?” Dirk replied automatically, eyes widening the moment he seemed to realise what he had said, “I meant, that…well, what I had intended to say was…”

He trailed off and toyed with the empty cider bottle in his hands, teasing the corner of the label away from the glass with his fingernail.

"No." Dirk frowned and bit his lip, "That's exactly what I meant."

Carefully and with a grace Todd never would have attributed to the lanky detective, Dirk took Todd's free hand, interlacing their fingers so slowly that Todd had every opportunity to pull away if he wanted to.  The shorter man made no move, but raised his eyes to look into Dirk's.

It took precisely three heart beats with their eyes locked and fingers entwined for that strange lingering uncertainty between them to suddenly shift, like the falling of that first drop of rain that brings down a monsoon.

Todd tossed his beer bottle aside and grabbed the lapel of Dirk's jacket, pulling him forcefully into a bruising kiss.

Dirk froze for the barest of moments, which to Todd felt like an eternity of trepidation, before deepening the kiss. It was messy and desperate and unrefined, but so utterly intoxicating that Todd barely registered the whooping cheer from his sister until she spoke.

"Hell yeah!" She punched the air, "Farah _so_ owes me 20 bucks!"

Todd pulled back in alarm but didn't relinquish is grip on Dirk's jacket.

"You had a bet on us?!"

Amanda laughed and pulled out her phone, "Obvs.  Farah said you were both too emotionally constipated to realise the mutuality of your pining.  Now, go in for round two.  I need photographic evidence."

Dirk positively beamed as he snaked one hand round to cup the back of Todd's neck, "With pleasure."

This kiss was softer and more careful, but held no less significance. When they broke apart again, Todd leaned in to whisper against Dirk's ear, delighting in the small shudder it drew from the taller man.

"How far do you think the Mustang seats recline?"

This close, he could feel the movement as Dirk swallowed thickly and sense the radiating heat as it rose in his cheeks.

"Th-that is an excellent question, Todd.  Good...questioning..." He stood, pulling Todd up with him, "We should definitely go and investigate that immediately."

Todd let out a laugh and pulled the taller man down for another kiss, before turning quickly to Amanda, "You got enough footage?"

She smirked, "Why?  Got somewhere to be?"

Dirk answered by starting to drag her brother away, "Yes. Somewhere very important to be with the upmost haste.  Goodnight Amanda and collected maniacs.”

The pair were so engaged in exploring every clothed inch of each other en route that they almost stumbled straight past the Mustang.  Todd pressed Dirk against the side of it, slipping his hands beneath the orange leather jacket and sliding it down until it dropped to the floor.

With a long, slow and indulgently languid kiss, he eased Dirk towards the door, one hand reaching out for the handle, but Dirk caught it, linking their fingers together once more.  Todd could feel the nervous tremor in them, so he squeezed back in reassurance.

"Todd..." Dirk’s other hand didn’t leave it’s place on the back of his neck, even as he looked at him uncertainly, "Are you...sure this is what you want?  If it's not, that's ok, I don't want you to just be trying to make me happy or think it's..."

"Dirk." Todd silenced him, "I have never been more completely, totally, and absolutely sure of anything in my life."

A bright laugh bubbled from Dirk's lips and he leaned down to place a chaste kiss against Todd's.

“Well, I suppose that _is_ rather sure.”

“It’s what you want too, right? I mean, you know…” Todd nervously trailed off, biting his lip and not missing the way Dirk’s eyes followed the movement hungrily.

“Todd,” The detective touched their foreheads together, “You know that I always end up exactly where I am meant to be. I am meant to be here. With you. Doing this.”

He opened the car door with one hand, using the other to draw the shorter man into a deep, lingering kiss, and that was all the reassurance Todd needed. He didn’t need to be holistic or innately connected to the fabric of reality or whatever to know that he, too, was exactly where he should be.

———

Todd awoke to the radiant light of late morning with a sense of pervading emptiness.  Combined with the slight throbbing in his head and dry throat, it made for a less than pleasant way to greet a new day.  At length, as his senses gradually returned from sleep to the waking world, he became aware of the soft blanket over him and the distinct lack of a holistic detective in his embrace.  Leaning up on his elbows, he looked around, eyes still adjusting to the bright sun light. He was laying on the fully reclined seat of the Mustang, and out the window he could just about see Dirk’s figure walking away from the camp in a strangely rigid way.

Feeling a growing sense of unease, spurred more than anything by the fact Dirk had wandered off without his jacket in a truly un-Dirklike fashion, Todd scrambled to pull his clothes on, down two of the pills from the jar in his pocket, and run after the other man.  When he finally caught up with him, the scolding demand for explanation fell from his lips. Dirk’s eyes had in them that same strange expression that always accompanied an unexpected, especially strong, command from the universe.

Todd resolved to have some very strong words with that goddamned universe when whatever Dirk was about to stumble into was over. For now, he satisfied himself that if the universe was gonna drag Dirk somewhere, Todd was being dragged too.

His phone buzzed, and he pulled it out of his pocket even as he jogged to keep up with the long strides of the taller man.

**  
Chat with Amanda**

**A: wats up? u 2 have a fight?  
T: no universe is being shitty  
A: ok but not gonna save you any bacon  
T: T_T  
**

Todd shoved his phone back in his pocket and ran a few paces to catch up with Dirk again. They walked in that way for about an hour before coming to a road.  It wasn’t especially busy, but enough so that crossing it seemed unwise.  But Dirk was still walking.  Tod reached out to grab his arm.

“Todd, I have to go over there.” Dirk frowned at the hand around his wrist, “Please.”

“Yeah, ok, but I hear something coming, so just hold on a sec.”

“No, I-I can’t.” Dirk struggled against the grip, “Please.”

“Dirk, seriously!” He tightened his hold, now certain that there was something driving quickly down the road towards them.

“Todd, no, I have to!” Dirk yelled, pulling free of his grip and running into the road, just in time to cross paths with an oncoming lorry.

The lorry swerved, the front end skidding to a halt as the back swung round with such sudden force that the articulations broke and it went tumbling off down the road, right into an oncoming car.  The car flipped, landing nose-down barely a metre from the horror-struck detective, shrapnel flying from it and slicing through his skin.  Two cars speeding down the highway from behind the lorry soon crashed into the pile up, and a third from the other end attempted to avoid it only to ram straight into a tree.

Dirk stood in the middle of the chaos, unmoving and horrified.  Todd felt his expression mirror Dirk’s.  They had been surrounded by no shortage of carnage, but during a case they expected it.  Not now.  Not when they were supposed to be enjoying some downtime, chilling, figuring stuff out…

Todd started suddenly when he saw the fire spreading through the cars.

“Shit!” He sprinted into the middle of the wreck and grabbed Dirk’s arm, “We have to go!”

Dirk remained firmly rooted to the ground.  Todd yanked on his arm.  The detective refused to move.

“Dirk!  This is gonna go off, now move!”

Still nothing.

“If you don’t move, I die right here with you.”

That did it.  Suddenly it was Dirk with his hand gripping Todd’s, pulling the other man in a sprint away from the scene.  There was no warning before it finally went up.  No clicks or fizzles or flare ups.  Just the sudden deafening bang and searing heat up their backs as both were launched into the air.

There was still ringing in his ears and dots dancing in front of his eyes when Todd was manhandled into the back seat of the Mustang, his sister’s voice sending out orders to her guys and drifting through his head, although the words were incomprehensible.  Then the car was speeding away, her black hair visible in the front.  He could feel the leather seat on his back where his T-shirt had been singed away, and there were dirty scrapes all over his hands and arms, and probably his face.

To his right, Dirk sat in a similar state, with deeper wounds sending blood spreading across the fabric of his T-shirt and down his arms.  Cuts from the shrapnel, one with a piece of metal visibly protruding, but none too deep.  This was nothing compared to what they had both endured before.

He wasn’t worried about the injuries.

He was terrified by the empty, dead look in Dirk’s eyes.  Exactly the same look as after Arnold Cardenas had died.

“I killed them.” He muttered, maybe not for the first time, and to no one but himself or perhaps the universe.

“Dirk…”

“I killed them all, and I nearly killed you.”

“Dirk, it’s not your fault.  You didn’t know…”

“Priest was right.”

———

Sleeping outside fully clothes but wrapped in Dirk’s embrace, Todd was exhausted enough to nod off almost as soon as he lay down.  With only some minor scrapes and burns, there hadn’t been any need for proper medical attention, but the whole experience had left him more than a little worn out.

Beneath the canopy of stars, he dreamt that Dirk leant over in the night and softly kissed his forehead, whispering an apology that drifted through a sleeping subconscious even as they brushed against his skin.

The tone was so unlike Dirk that Todd knew it could not belong to the real Dirk.  This was the Dirk of his brutal subconscious, the Dirk that belonged in tragic nightmare.  So, although Todd stirred, he didn’t open his eyes, knowing dream from reality and not willing to wake just yet.

When finally Todd did actually wake, Dirk was not beside him.  Instead there was Mona, for once a human, staring blankly at the horizon.  Their Mustang was gone.

“Dirk!” Todd jumped to his feet, startling the holistic actress into a spontaneous transformation.

“Dirk?!” He yelled again, but still received no answer.

He looked in desperation over to the Rowdy 3 van, in front of which stood Amanda, Martin, and Gripps, who seemed to be talking quietly amongst themselves. Amanda turned and walked briskly towards him. Todd ran to meet her.

“Dirk’s gone.  He took our car and he’s gone, and he…” It suddenly clicked, “You guys can track him, right?  That-that’s what the Rowdy 3 do?  They did it before, so they can…”

Amanda grabbed Todd’s arm to still the frantic pacing he had unknowingly broken into.

“Todd!  Calm down!”

His feet stopped, but his mind kept itself whirling in overdrive.

“Yesterday.  Yesterday he said Priest was right.  He was blaming himself, and he-shit!  Amanda!” Todd grasped her shoulders, “What if he’s going back to Blackwing?!”

She sighed and bit her lip, drawing back slightly and glancing over to her guys by the van.

“Wherever he’s going, he’s long gone Todd.”

“What?!”

“Gripps gets up at 6 every morning. Dirk was already gone when he woke up.” She explained, “He told me and Martin, and even then they couldn’t sense him.”

“But, I mean, there must be a way, right? Like your visions, or police scanners or something. I mean, that Mustang is pretty identifiable, and Farah knows loads of…”

 

Amanda tightened her grip on his arms, firm and grounding.

“Todd. Stop!” She demanded, tears pricking at the corners of her eyes, “Let him go.”

“What?!” Todd recoiled, "No.  Fuck no.  Are you insane?!  Do you have any idea what those Blackwing bastards did to him?!”

“No, but I get it was shitty.” She replied, stepping forward and grabbing his arm again, “But if Dirk feels like he needs to go back to Blackwing, then he needs to go back to Blackwing.”

“No.  No way.”

“If that’s where the universe wants him, it’s where he’ll end up, Todd.  Nothing you or I or the Rowdies do will change that.  And if you try to fight it?  Only gonna be soooo much worse.  We could die, the boys and Mona could end up back in Blackwing.  You think Dirk’ll thank you for that?”

“No, but…”

“You can’t fight the universe, Todd.”

“Why the fuck not?”

He made to move, but found his right foot was unable to do so.  Looking down, he saw a ball and chain about his ankle, and etched into the heavy metal of the former were the words:

_Dirk says “no”_

Todd stared down at Mona in despair and finally dropped to the ground in defeat.  He said nothing as they loaded the van up to head to Farah in Bergsberg. Amanda dropped a quick text to say they were coming but not to panic.  Todd sat in the passenger seat beside his sister, turning Dirk’s phone over and over in his trembling hands.

Even the Rowdies had fallen silent.  There was a mutual understanding among the former Blackwing subjects that Amanda and Todd could never truly comprehend, and they all seemed to feel keenly the fate of one of their own.  Mona spent the journey as Panic Pete, held tight in Martin’s hand.  The Rowdy 3 leader squeezed her in a perfect constant rhythm, staring at the opposite wall of the van.

———

Dirk drove without thinking.  He knew now where it was that he truly belonged, and he placed his trust in the universe to take him there.  If he passed through cities or crossed state lines, he didn’t register it.  He just drove, letting go and submitting entirely to the numbness spreading through him.  It was easier not to think.  It was easier to accept the inevitable.

There was no need to feel guilty.  Todd would be upset for a time, certainly, but he would soon recover and realise how much improved his life could be without Dirk in it.  How much safer, and calmer, and just _better_ it all would be without the detective.

Detective.

He was no detective.  He was a fraud, a pawn fallen from the board and wreaking havoc everywhere he went.  But not any more.  Blackwing had sold him lies as a child, but there had been one truth central to them all.

In Blackwing, Dirk couldn’t hurt anyone else.  The world was safe.  Dirk had been self-indulgent for too long, and he couldn’t live with the guilt any more.  It was time to go home.

He pulled up at a small cuboid concrete structure with a single set of doors and stepped out of the car. If this was Blackwing, they had apparently been some significant renovations since his first break out, namely the loss of almost all the above-ground buildings.

The doors slid open like those of a lift, but disappointingly without the pleasant ‘ding’, and out poured a large group of black-clad men with large machine guns, all pointed at him.

Dirk shot them a disapproving look, “I don’t believe your boss would entirely appreciate it if you shot me.”

“No, he would not.” Ken said, himself emerging from the sliding doors and walking calmly towards the group, Priest two steps behind.  He paused a few feet in front of Dirk and smiled, “Welcome home, Svlad.”

Dirk just dropped his eyes to the ground in silent submission.

“Priest.” Ken didn’t take his even gaze from Dirk, “Would you please get Project Icarus settled back in?”

The roughly dressed man nodded and stepped forward, taking a hold of Dirk’s arm and leading him into the base.  After descending beneath the ground in a steel-walled elevator, they began down a long nondescript concrete corridor that looked much the same as every other one in that wretched place.

Priest took a sharp right all of a sudden, but quickly thought better of it and turned back to carry on further down the corridor.  He suddenly shoved his hostage through a door bearing a symbol Dirk recognised from the jumpsuit of one of the subjects killed in the first breakout.  The room seemed to have been untouched since then.  Dirk almost wretched at the sight of the subject’s small jumpsuits neatly folded on the single shelf, and a cup sitting unmoved at the end of her bed.  The room was as forgotten as its former occupant.

He felt guilty for disturbing this shrine to a nameless young woman.

The expected beating began within moments of the door clicking shut. The pain was only a distant sensation barely registered by Dirk’s numb mind, and all the time he kept staring in apology at the long untouched jumpsuits. His body responded as expected, his lungs struggling to draw in air as blow followed blow, and his legs failing to support him after one ankle snapped under Priest’s boot. But his thoughts didn’t really acknowledge any of it. It didn’t matter what happened to him now. He was back where he belonged, and his friends were safe.

As the ‘welcoming’ came to a close, Priest grabbed Dirk’s hair, using it to yank the man to his feet.

“What’s your name?”

Dirk kept his eyes trained carefully on the third-down button on Priest’s shirt.

When he didn’t immediately answer, the grip on his hair tightened.  Dirk swallowed, metallic taste of his own blood almost making him gag.

What was the answer to that question, anyway?

Not Dirk Gently.  That was a holistic detective with real friends, real love, and a future.  Not Svlad Cjelli either.  That had been a confused, dangerous, lost little boy.  No, they were both too human.  He deserved neither the pity that belonged to Svlad Cjelli nor the love that belonged to Dirk Gently.

He was the monster that pulled those around him to their deaths, just as his namesake had brought those beautifully crafted wings so close to the sun that they should disassemble to ruin.

He deserved but one name.

The word felt at home on his bleeding lips.

“Icarus.”

\------

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shit. Well that went sideways. In all honesty, this was meant to be a lovely, fluffy getting together fic. But... ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


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